- 77 -
The Law
Revisiting - XXI
Let us take a look at the term Crucial Conversations. It is two way communication on a subject that which has been a matter of discomfort between the persons involved. A crucial conversation is not a very comfortable communication exercise and can have disastrous consequences if not executed as it should be. Some of the most important issues linked to holding a crucial conversation are explained below.
Do not delay in holding such a conversation. A situation, which requires a crucial conversation, tends to get more complicated with the passage of time.
Take the initiative to hold that conversation. Usually our egos prevent us from taking the first step. By taking the first step, you are not lowering your stature. There should be no insecurity linked to the first step. You become a larger person when you initiate. the first step is a move towards creation.
Do not involve a third person, if the discomfort is between two of you. Do not even talk about it to anyone else; the only exception could be your life mentor.
Approach the conversation with an open mind. If you think that you were right and the other wrong, appreciate that the other person is probably thinking just the opposite. This difference in perception is, after all, what has made this crucial conversation necessary.
Weed out any intention of assigning blame. Sentences like "You did not understand me ...", "Because said this, I.........." are ruled out.
Lay out your intentions of resolving the conflict on the table right in the beginning.
Do not interrupt when the other person speaks. Listen, ask clarifying questions, do not leave any ambiguities.
Apologise sincerely for any hurt caused. Do not playact an apology. Take the initiative in tendering your heartfelt apologies for your part. A sentence, laden with sincerity, integrity and honesty, comes across clearly.
Discuss and mutually understand spaces and boundaries on both sides.
Communicate your understanding of the cause of discomfort and commit to modulate your behavior in future. Commit to handle such discomforts in future in a way - mutually agreed - which will prevent recurrence of such incidents.
I have been personally involved in quite a few crucial conversations in my life. I can vouch that such conversations, held with dignity, sincerity and a positive mindset, washes of lots of dirt and discomfort and amplifies relationships exponentially. This is a very powerful tool.
I will now introduce the second filter to help you in selecting who will finally be in your core team. A Johari diagram is shown alongside. One axis of the diagram shows synchronicity with you mindset and the other synchronicity with you non-negotiables or your value system. The members of your core team must complement you in your mindset of learning, pushing boundaries and positiveness. Also they must synergise with you on your value system. A synergy in these two areas releases tremendous creative energy and weeds out wasteful practices. With such synergy, the communication between the team members become spontaneous. It does not mean that there will be no disagreements. Having no disagreement is abnormal. The points of disagreements will cause very involved, energetic and creative debate out of which will emerge the best possible solutions. You may have to decide on the course of action based on such discussions and probable solutions. Rest assured that when this process is adopted, every member of team will put everything behind you and push you irrespective of their initial individual views. It is obvious that the final members of your core team will come out of the population in Quadrant I. If the need arises to induct new members into your tribe, you will select people who will pass through both the filters and finally land in Quadrant I.
I would like to conclude the posts on tribe with a final caution meant specifically for you. The core team members are people who stand by you, pull you up when you are down and challenge you. They are people who you look up to. They will not necessarily treat you with gloved hands. Sometimes they may be unrelenting and appear harsh and unkind. They will stretch you and make you raise the bar. They will help in your learning. They will be with you irrespective of the difficulties you may be in. To keep the relationships balanced with this group, you will need to determine in which way you will be of service to this group of people. You will have to recompense.
Namaste
Prabir
Lay out your intentions of resolving the conflict on the table right in the beginning.
Do not interrupt when the other person speaks. Listen, ask clarifying questions, do not leave any ambiguities.
Apologise sincerely for any hurt caused. Do not playact an apology. Take the initiative in tendering your heartfelt apologies for your part. A sentence, laden with sincerity, integrity and honesty, comes across clearly.
Discuss and mutually understand spaces and boundaries on both sides.
Communicate your understanding of the cause of discomfort and commit to modulate your behavior in future. Commit to handle such discomforts in future in a way - mutually agreed - which will prevent recurrence of such incidents.
I have been personally involved in quite a few crucial conversations in my life. I can vouch that such conversations, held with dignity, sincerity and a positive mindset, washes of lots of dirt and discomfort and amplifies relationships exponentially. This is a very powerful tool.
I will now introduce the second filter to help you in selecting who will finally be in your core team. A Johari diagram is shown alongside. One axis of the diagram shows synchronicity with you mindset and the other synchronicity with you non-negotiables or your value system. The members of your core team must complement you in your mindset of learning, pushing boundaries and positiveness. Also they must synergise with you on your value system. A synergy in these two areas releases tremendous creative energy and weeds out wasteful practices. With such synergy, the communication between the team members become spontaneous. It does not mean that there will be no disagreements. Having no disagreement is abnormal. The points of disagreements will cause very involved, energetic and creative debate out of which will emerge the best possible solutions. You may have to decide on the course of action based on such discussions and probable solutions. Rest assured that when this process is adopted, every member of team will put everything behind you and push you irrespective of their initial individual views. It is obvious that the final members of your core team will come out of the population in Quadrant I. If the need arises to induct new members into your tribe, you will select people who will pass through both the filters and finally land in Quadrant I.
I would like to conclude the posts on tribe with a final caution meant specifically for you. The core team members are people who stand by you, pull you up when you are down and challenge you. They are people who you look up to. They will not necessarily treat you with gloved hands. Sometimes they may be unrelenting and appear harsh and unkind. They will stretch you and make you raise the bar. They will help in your learning. They will be with you irrespective of the difficulties you may be in. To keep the relationships balanced with this group, you will need to determine in which way you will be of service to this group of people. You will have to recompense.
Namaste
ឃើញអ្នក ឆាប់
(kheunh anak chab)
Prabir
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