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The Law

Revisiting - XXII

I have used two terminologies frequently in my posts - space and boundary. I will describe what I meant by these two terminologies.

At work, at home and in our social circles, all of us  carry with a sense of our own personal space that we often unconsciously protect. This is true for any interaction between two human beings. That space is variable depending on how emotionally close those persons, with whom we are interacting, are to us. Our personal spaces are narrower with the persons dearest to us. The dearness of a person may be due to familial relationships, due to their being very close friends with complementary mindsets, due to close business relationships etc. But even within the closest relationships, there will be existence of personal space. All of us need some space to be our very own, where invasion is not welcome. For example my personal space with my spouse may be very narrow. But I would not like her to shift things on my working desk at home or use my mobile. Someone's desk and its drawers may be personal space for him. He would not like others to rifle through his desk and drawers. Respecting other's space is a basic requirement for maintaining healthy relationships. Understanding each other's personal space is very important. Such understanding comes when there is clear and transparent communication on the subject between the parties involved. The personal space can be emotional space, thought space, auditory space, physical space, time space etc.

Do not try to possess the other. A common myth, specially applicable to persons in love, is that love means everything that one has belongs to the other. Do not fall into this trap. Possessiveness stresses relationships. Possessiveness does not allow privacy. Possessiveness does not recognise personal space. In possessing, there is nothing that either one of you can do without taking the other into confidence. In possessing, you do not recognise that your passions need not be the same as your partner. This does not work and ultimately the relationship sours. Establish the space, both ways, in any relationships.

I have mentioned boundaries in two context. In one context, I have mentioned that you should push your boundaries. In this context, I have meant the limitations that we put on ourselves in moving beyond our comfort zone. In this context, the boundaries are those of our comfort zones. I have used the term "boundaries" in a second context of setting your boundaries. In this post I am discussing on the later contextual use of the term "boundary".

Boundary is the invisible line around your space. Boundary is the set of norms that you follow in living your life. These boundaries take on added importance in interactive relationships. In the beginning of any relationship, it is important that there is a mutual understanding of each other's space and the rules that you will respect while interacting with one another. This ensures that lot of unforeseen hurts are avoided. I will illustrate with a few of the boundaries that I set.

In the beginning of any relationship, I find out how I should address the other and I set how the other should address me. In some cultures addressing by the first name is fine while in some cultures addressing by first name, specially to elders, is not done.

I do not intervene when someone speaks. I expect the same and set this ground rule for any interaction with me. I do not cut short nor do I like to be cut short. Listening is a full time activity for me.

I do not use slang words while communicating and I expect the same. In countries with diverse culture and population, this is of high value. A very light slang word in one culture could hurt someone seriously in some other culture.

I schedule meetings with sufficient notice to all concerned. I do not take another's time for granted and I expect others to do same. In the event that I need to call a meeting on unforeseen matter, I start the meeting with a sincere apology to all concerned for barging into their schedule.

Make the effort and take the necessary time to understand each other's spaces and boundaries. 

With this post I conclude the grounding work on the three pillars of abundance - mindset, habit and tribe. We will look at some hardcore issues starting next post.

I am aware that i am repeating certain points. All repetitions are consciously done to emphasize and re-emphasize certain key drivers.

All joy and happiness to you.

Listen to Carol Dweck on being perfect. 

Namaste

vide te mox

Prabir

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