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The Law

Mindset - X

We now start looking at the child and the parent and the teachers - in other words the mentoring dynamics.

A baby wakes up late night expressing its discomfort the only way a baby can - by crying. The parents, tired after the day's work,  have gone to sleep after putting the baby to sleep. The baby's cries disrupts the sleep of the parents. there are some usual reactions of the parents to this situation.

One, the parents ignore the baby's cries hoping that the baby will resume sleeping in a short while. Two, the parents utter words of impatience and annoyance and attend to the baby with some unwillingness. Three, they rush to the baby with concern and love , cuddle it cooing into its ears words of affection and love. They try to find out the reason for the discomfort of the baby - a wet diaper, thirst, hunger, whatever. A caring mother has an uncanny ability to soothe the discomfort of her baby.

Now, let us understand very clearly that a baby is extremely sensitive to the messages that it receives. These messages are very crucial to the baby in developing its mindset. Some mindset is genetic oriented. What the baby learns and absorbs. thereafter, depend on the messages that it receives as it grows up.

Let us go back to the baby waking up in the middle of the night. Reactions of ignoring the baby, admonishing the baby, directly or indirectly, send messages of insecurity to the baby. Messages of insecurity have very high potential for creating a closed mindset. If the baby continues to get messages that its discomforts will either be ignored or dealt with annoyance and impatience, it will start to develop its own defense mechanism in the absence of a support system. There is a good possibility, that on growing up, the child will suppress its emotions and will not express its problems. The child may try to handle his problems by methods that it thinks appropriate and fitting which may be a violent display of tantrums or find out a secluded corner to brood. Such a child will always be averse to take balanced risks and will prefer to stay within its comfort zone.

In contrast, consider the child who receives love, affection, understanding and support, when in difficulty. Such a child receives a message that it is secure and there is a support system working for it. Such messages do wonders in the growing up stage. research on toddlers brings out a very important fact. Toddlers, who get support and understanding early, tend to stand on their two feet ahead of the toddlers, who do not get such supporting messages. 

Teaching a child to share from an early stage is very important in creating an open mindset. 

Children, when they start to understand the verbal signals from their parents, are tremendously influenced by the language used by the parents in their presence. Such verbal signals me or may not be directed at the children. the children may simply be witnesses.

A very common mistake made by the parents is the behavioral example set by them when they experience a difference in opinion among themselves. It is normal to have a difference in opinion. The methods adopted by the parents for resolving the differences could become a positive learning opportunity for the child or could also become a destructive learning for the child. It is not my intention here to try and suggest ways for conflict resolution. My only appeal to the parents would be to do their conflict resolution elsewhere, where the child is not present, when the parents know their weaknesses in conflict resolution. If the parents usually resolve their differences constructively, I would suggest that the resolution is done in the presence of the child.

The wrong methods of conflict resolution, where the parents slight each other by verbal or physical abuses, impact the psychology of the child severely. The child senses the animosity in its environment and seeks protection. It could manifest by the child withdrawing from the external and retracting into its make believe world or by crawling to a corner hugging its teddy tightly or in other forms. 

See you again

Prabir